New rom-com to explore liking piña coladas, getting caught in the rain

Do you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape? Alloy Entertainment is banking on it, because they're making Rupert Holmes' "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" into a full-length feature film. Meet them at a bar called O'Malleys and escape the shackles of movies based on more traditional IP (or—gasp—no IP at all).

Yes, this is real and already underway, whether it sounds like an Onion headline or not. Original singer Holmes is reportedly involved, with Alloy's president and executive VP on board to produce, per Deadline. The team is reportedly looking for writers now, though the whole story is really right there in the song.

As you'll likely recall from adult contemporary stations of yore and/or karaoke rooms of today, the 1979 track sees a man in a dead-end relationship make a drastic life choice when he sees a personal ad in the paper. It reads—let's sing it together!—"If you like piña coladas/And gettin' caught in the rain/If you're not into yoga/If you have half a brain"... you know the rest. He puts out his own ad specifying that he loves all the same things and isn't "much into health food," before arranging a meetup at a local bar. In walks his wife and voila! All potential adultery forgiven. Roll credits.

It's undeniably ridiculous, but let's take a minute to look at the positives. It's not the first song to be turned into a movie (Alice's Restaurant, anyone?) and we've been asking for more rom-coms for a while now. It's rough out there; would it really be so bad to drink a piña colada and escape?