Who would win? 100 Marios vs one Donkey Kong

Social media isn't purely toxic negativity and pain these days. Well... it mostly is, and no one can argue that. But every once in a while, a meme comes along that lets us feel joy again—if only for a little while.

Enter the "100 men vs. one gorilla" debate. Who would win in a fight to the death? One hundred normal human men or one silverback gorilla? The funny debate has raged for days, spanning media to include primatologists explaining the battle, and everyone chiming in about what would happen. It's been hilarious to see the memes and exchanges born from the prompt, and a wonderful change of pace from the normal dread we see on social media these days.

The argument over men vs. gorilla usually boils down to sheer numbers against pure strength (like, "would you rather fight one elephant-sized duck or 10 duck-sized gorillas?"). A gorilla has the strength and ability to snap a human like a twig, but would it be overwhelmed by so many men at once? And really, no battle like this ever turns out as planned, so variables must be considered.

Case in point, we have the video game version of this juggernaut battle in Super Mario vs. Donkey Kong. Or, regular Mario vs. Donkey Kong. What about 100 Marios vs. one Donkey Kong? Well, I asked Destructoid staffers about who they'd pick to win—and it got heated.

First, I laid down some ground rules. There are no power-ups allowed. This is all about numbers against strength. If any of the Marios could equip a Tanookie suit or pick up a flower and begin throwing fireballs (or, heaven forbid, turn into elephants like in Super Mario Wonder), then it wouldn't be much of a battle. Men vs. beast. As primal as it gets.

Here's what we came up with. And yes, this is our job.

DESTRUCTOID DEBATES: 100 Marios vs. one Donkey Kong

Scott Duwe (Staff Writer): No power-ups, pure numbers vs. strength. 100 Marios (normal size, no mushrooms!) vs. one Donkey Kong, who would win and why?

Rachel Samples (Editor-in-Chief): That man is little, but he's resourceful. I don't think he's gonna be blindly rushing in on an enraged DK. Unless his woman's in danger.

Scott: Yeah, I think not having Peach in the equation here favors DK, because Mario gets feral when it comes to his lady.

Madison Benson (Staff Writer): I would not put it past Mario to fight dirty to win, though. Poke DK in the eyes or something.

Adam Newell (Assigning Editor): You assume DK is just going to sit there and wait for them to plan? He's attacking first. No time to plan when a seven-foot gorilla is charging at you. If it's a strength contest as well, DK beats Mario purely by Bananza gameplay. Dude is punching through solid metal and blocks in seconds, whereas Mario can't break question blocks when they are hollowed out.

Kristina Ebanez (Staff Writer): I would say Donkey Kong, too. All the big ape has to do is constantly smash down, and the little men would just get an instant K.O. If the Marios had a fighting chance with power-ups, maybe they could win. But, since it's 100 Marios with no buffs, I don't think they could jump their way to victory.

Scott: But is there really no chance of DK being totally overwhelmed by the sheer number of tiny Italian men? Would he be able to just swat them all away? Could he do that if he were just being MAMA MIA'd and WAHOO'd by the dozen?

Kacee Fay (Staff Writer): Maybe Mario does have a chance. 100 is a lot, and that’s 100 brains too, all of which would easily be committed to working together as a team since they’re all the same person, so maybe there’s a shot he’d be able to find some way to strategically overwhelm DK.

Scott: I agree. I really think we're not giving Mario enough credit here, because he is very resourceful, as Rachel said. He's a bit of a "MacGyver" when it comes to using what he has at his disposal to win, and I think the combined Mario army would figure out a way to make this a battle... even at the cost of several lives.

Kacee: Yeah, I’d probably say Mario would win even though he’s the underdog because I just think he’s got a large team that could figure out a plan. Like you said, it would definitely cost some lives, but I think he could do it. Being underestimated is also an advantage, potentially if DK doesn’t view him as a serious threat.

Rachel: Can DK use dead Marios as a weapon?

Scott: Um, doesn't Mario just kinda shrug and fall off the screen when he dies?

Adam: Depends. In 3D Marios, he does die and respawn at a fixed location, but there's still a body, like Odyssey and 64. 2D platformer Mario just jumps off screen.

Rachel: In Mario Kart, he gets returned to life via Koopa.

Scott: I don't think that applies. This isn't a kid's race, or even a demolition derby. It's war. It's a fight to the death.

Rachel: Also, DK can tornado his way through a crowd of Marios pretty easily, I think. Like his spin move. How does Mario even counter that? I guess hops?

Scott: All he can do is jump, now that I think about it. DK can jump and roll and swing his gorilla fists.

Madison: Does his jump go above DK? I could totally imagine the Marios trying to dodge DK, only to jump on each other's heads and kill 20 percent of their team instantly.

Scott: I wonder how many jump boop hits it would take to kill the DK.

Rachel: Depends, how much does a 5'1" man weigh?

Scott: Well, he's portly.

Rachel: And that is a man who ain't missing no cannolis.

Scott: We're getting off track. Can the Marios kill DK before he kills all 100 of them? I think that's the important question here. And honestly, I don't know.

Rachel: They just need to stay alive long enough to create a Mario blanket and suffocate him. Also, don't forget he beat a hedgehog on speed at the Olympics.

As you can see, there's no definitive Destructoid winner. Here's where you come in, dear readers, as we open the communication lines to you in the comments below. Who do you have in this epic fight of one big monkey against a legion of little plumbers?

The post Who would win? 100 Marios vs one Donkey Kong appeared first on Destructoid.